This has kind of been my mantra the last few months (thank you, Fun., for making a song that so accurately describes my feelings) and while it’s not always easy, it’s something that I truly have been striving for.
Many don’t know this, but for the last several months I’ve been struggling with really bad anxiety. In March I had my first ever panic attack and from there it kind of snowballed. After more research, I guess I’ve always struggled with anxiety, I just never truly classified it as such and always assumed stress, worry, and paranoia was part of my personality, because I always assumed anxiety was for more introverted, “sad” people, and that isn’t me!
But the truth is, anxiety can affect any person in various ways, and these last few months I’ve accepted the fact that anxiety has been a secret and very aggressive backseat driver in my life. While I’ve accepted that fact, I knew I didn’t want to own my anxiety and I didn’t want to give it anymore power or control. Several months ago I worked on a few personal projects that captured the anxious and scared feelings inside of me, but I’ve really been trying to train my mind and my body to focus more on the positive “what ifs” in life instead of the negative, and so I had the idea while lying awake one night to do a session that did the same. Focus on the positive, focus on what I can use to bring more peace and stillness to my life, instead of focusing on the chaos.
And so I decided; what could be more fitting than doing a session in a lavender field? I’ve used lavender oils in the past to help me fall asleep better, to help my headaches go away, and to just de-stress and decompress. And of course, we got our session done right in time for one of the best weekends of the year- The Lavender Festival! So it was pretty much perfect.
Thank you Danielle for being such an amazing model and for being so on board with my ideas. And thanks to Marie for allowing us to shoot in your field! This really was such a therapeutic session for me and I’m so happy to have these images to remind me to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that life is not as dark as it seems sometimes <3 I hope that for anyone else out there that struggles with anxiety, that you know it’s completely okay and that there is no shame in getting help to keep it under control. If you ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here.
Hair and Makeup Artist: Behren’s Artistry
Styling/Model: Danielle Hansen
Location: The Lavender Merchant
(PS- If you have a chance, swing into Kuna this weekend to go pick out some lavender for yourself at the festival! I know I’ll be there!)