A Journey with Breast Cancer- Janessa’s Powerful Pre and Post Chemo Boudoir Session (Part 1) // Boise Idaho Portrait Photographer Boudoir by Kayla
The email from Janessa came to me in April of 2023 and it instantly pulled at my heartstrings. “I just received a breast cancer diagnosis and am either facing lumpectomy or mastectomy. I would love to capture how my body is now, before I have to undergo treatment. Thank you for your consideration.” I knew that we had to do this. What better way to say “F YOU” to breast cancer than with an empowering boudoir session?
I immediately picked up my phone to send a voice message to the number she’d left in her inquiry form. This wasn’t an inquiry I was just going to let sit in my inbox. Whether she booked me or not, I needed her to know she had someone else supporting her and sending her love and prayers on this journey.
We talked and after sending my pricing, Janessa wasn’t sure she could swing the investment of a boudoir session before her breast cancer surgery. I understood- I know my services are a luxury and when you’re facing such a big health struggle like the big “C”, extra luxuries aren’t always in the cards. But after sitting on it for a day, she changed her mind and decided to move forward. I was so honored. Though the reason behind Janessa reaching out to me was awful, I looked forward to being able to help her process and heal through such a life-changing trauma.
When we met for her consultation, I couldn’t help but pitch the idea that we schedule not just one, but TWO sessions. I shared with J how much photos have helped me process difficult emotions and been a part of grieving, and how I’d love to do that with her before her session, but also show her the beauty and strength in her body AFTER its’ transformation. She knew it was going to be hard to say goodbye to her hair and her breasts, to have to watch her body go through chemo after spending decades of caring for it religiously. The more we talked about a before and after, the more excited she got. With that, we got her on the books for her first session, and tentatively planned for her “after” session months later.
The day of Janessa’s first session, her bright and bubbly self filled the studio. She brought along a simple Calvin Klein set, a white button up, and a cozy sweater (very “her”). I wanted to show off her courage and her happy go lucky attitude. I saved various shots that would highlight her hair (the defining physical feature that connected her to her grandma).
We laughed and danced, flipped her hair around, and made memories. We showcased Janessa’s body as it was in this moment, before it would change. And then I stopped and asked Janessa to look in the mirror.
“Okay, let’s take a minute. I want to give you space to love on your body. To soak it in and to be present, right here.
I stepped back and instead of directing, I followed Janessa’s lead.
It was a sacred moment for me, to witness Janessa holding her body. Looking at herself in the mirror, hugging herself as tears streamed down her face. “I am going to miss this body so much. I love you. I’m sorry.”
Tears stung my eyes and I wanted to give her a hug. But I gently pulled my camera up and captured the rawest, most vulnerable moments of Janessa’s life.
The song “Flowers In Your Hair” gently played in the background, and I couldn’t help but notice the beautiful sting that it left. The irony of that song playing while Janessa mourned saying goodbye to her hair. It may seem silly but when we have a healthy relationship with our body, it’s hard to know it’s going to change. This person we have been one with for our whole lives is going to be unrecognizable for awhile and that HURTS.
Not only was Janessa saying goodbye to her hair, but she was saying goodbye to so much more. Fertility, her breasts. She was going to feel the weakest she was every going to feel, have to poison her body for months just to save it from itself. The pain in those moments as she let herself process all of this was not lost on me, even as a bystander my heart ached and cried with her.
When we were done, Janessa smiled, wiped her eyes, and we embraced.
“Thank you for being with me on this journey.” I could see in her sweet smile she meant every word.
She was embarking on a journey no woman would envy, but as she stepped out of the studio that day I knew that if anyone could find joy in a season like this, it was her.
If you’d like to learn more about Janessa’s story, you can follow her on tik tok or instagram. I know she has helped so many women on a similar journey find hope and healing when they’ve felt so overwhelmed by it all.
You can see more from our day together via the video below.
Click here for Part 2 of Janessa’s story (After)
Are you on your own transformative journey? Whatever that may look like for you, I’d love to be a part of documenting it with you. Whether it be infertility, cancer, chronic illness, health/fitness, becoming a new mother, or saying goodbye to a loved one, my heart is to use the power of these sessions to help you process through every emotion that your journey will bring, to provide healing to otherwise broken places.
– Boise, ID and beyond –
